There Won't Be Any Christmas If The Mayans Are Right!

by Bert Susanka & The Astronaut Love Triangle

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Happy Holidays from Bert Susanka & The Astronaut Love Triangle!

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released 10 December 2011

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Bert Susanka & The Astronaut Love Triangle Huntington Beach, California

The Astronaut Love Triangle are...

Bert Susanka- Lead Vocal, Guitar
Rob Perez- Guitars and other stringed gadgets, Keyboards (occassionally), Vocals
Adam Hankinson-Bass, Vocals
Jason O'Donnell-Drums and percussion

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Track Name: There Won't Be Any Christmas If The Mayans Are Right! (featuring Mic Dangerously of Zen Robbi)
Christmas Day and New Year's are just around the corner
Don't say I didn't warn you but it might not come this year
or even next year, or even the year after, no sounds of joy and laughter full of holiday cheer
'cause long, long ago, these people called the Mayans
who looked just like Hawaiians without those loud Hawaiian shirts
with printed flowers, they counted down the hours and minutes and the seconds till the last day here on Earth

They wrote down in their calendar the day that we expire now it's "oops, party over, out of time"
from deep within their Mayan ruins Christmas will be ruined by the Mayans almost overnight
and there won't be any Christmas if the Mayans are right.

I wonder how they'll do it? Did a Mayan god say, "Screw it!
These humans with their Facebook status updates and their Tweets
They nauseate me, they're really going to hate me
when their smart phones burst in flames creating panic in the streets.
Then lightning bolts will spring from Chichen Itza while choking down their pizzas at the local mall, then
tall and evil spacemen will greet the human race and present us with a cook book. aptly titled "To Serve Man"

They'll overrun the planet all because the way we ran it didn't satisfy the gods in all their might
from deep within their Mayan ruins Christmas will be ruined by the Mayans, what a dreadful sight
and there won't be any Christmas if the Mayans are right.

Forget about Thanksgiving cause here comes Black Friday
December 21st also falls on a Friday
December 21st will be worse than Black Friday
Even worse than Rebecca Black singing Friday
People at the disco sing "Thank God, It's Friday"
People at the disco sing "Thank God, It's Friday"
People at the disco sing "Thank God, It's Friday"
I think we kind of strayed from happens that Friday


And when the day approaches, there'll nothing left but cockroaches and Hostess Twinkies, what a dreadful sight.
From deep within their Mayan ruins we'll see Christmas ruined by the Mayans, almost over night
so you better start to shout and you better start to cry and you better start to pout, I'm telling' you why
there won't be any Christmas if the Mayans are right.
Track Name: Secret Santa
When Christmas time has gone away
and Bond goes on a holiday
Who's there to save the day?
Secret Santa

Red smoking jacket lined with fur
His egg nog shaken, never stirred
and femme fatales that purr for Secret Santa

Double agents fear the man called "Kringle"
with hi tech gadgets made by elves that decipher code, explode and jingle

Children nestled in their beds
Sugar plums dance in their heads
They know nothing 'bout the Feds or the Secret Santa

Here comes Santa Claus, there goes Santa in a shiny, red DB5
They say that Santa is one bad (shut your mouth)
Just talkin' 'bout Santa (and we can dig it)

You can be a counter intelligence hottie
Doesn't need a wire tap to detect if you've been nice or you're naughty

And even though he's a spy, he's an average Joe, Tom, Dick, Harry or Steve
Well... except for that part where he climbs down your chimney on Christmas Eve

So stay off of his "naughty" list
or your Christmas gift will be a fist
and you'll find that you've been missed
didn't leave you any gifts
but all the ladies have been kissed by the Secret Santa
Track Name: Bert and the ALT's Post Apocalyptic Holiday Present (Do Not Open Until Decemmber 22nd)
Feed the squirrels,
Let them know that Christian Slater's here!